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(Listen to Episode 37 on the Overcome Suffering in Silence with Krystal Jae Podcast.
Links are on www.krystaljae.com/podcast)
For the longest, I lived in a small five-by-five box. At least, that’s what it felt like.
I was shy, and you can definitely say that I was introverted. I lived by yes actions because it was always a yes for everyone in my life. No matter if they were friends, family, associates, church members, coworkers, heck, even strangers. All my actions were yes actions. I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to be the person that everyone could and would count on as if it was my purpose that everyone had me to count on.
Now, why was that? Because I didn’t always feel like I had someone to count on. So, I fixed that by ensuring everyone could count on me. And it was yes, even when I should have been saying no. I didn’t choose myself ever. And when I did, I felt horrible. I felt guilty. I felt shame because I chose myself. And that is horrible because we shouldn’t feel guilt or shame for saying yes to ourselves. And really, while I believed that I had no one to count on, there were times that I did have people. But you know, in my mind at that time, I didn’t believe that. And I didn’t want to believe that because it hurts when you go to someone and find out they’re not there for you. So then you say, so it’s easier to say in your mind, no, I don’t have anyone.
It’s easier to believe that and to keep it inside. It was easier to make excuses as to why I couldn’t go to other people. Like I couldn’t talk to, like I would tell myself, I couldn’t talk to my sister about certain things because she’s 10 years younger than me and hasn’t been through all the things that I’ve been through. I couldn’t talk to my mom because we had not always been close. So I didn’t know what version of her I would get. I would tell myself that. I couldn’t talk to my grandmother because she always said it would work out being positive, but I didn’t want to hear that either because it was unbelievable. And I really didn’t want to go to her because I didn’t want to let her down. I couldn’t talk to my aunt because she would be like, it’ll be okay, followed by encouraging words that, in the depths of me, there was no way I could believe. I couldn’t talk to my husband because he wouldn’t understand. Plus, did he really love me? What if I said something that would make him leave me?
It was always that I couldn’t talk to this person or to that person because I would be judged, which is basically what I was saying over and over and over again, whether or not it was true. I wasn’t giving people the opportunity to be present for me most of the time because I knew how it felt to be misunderstood. I knew how it felt to hear “it will be okay.” when it was not believable at that time.
I knew the people around me were going through their struggles, through their stuff, and I couldn’t be a burden by sharing. All the thoughts, feelings, and negativities that were going on in my life were in my head. So again, fear, anxiousness, sadness, and pain took over my decisions and, ultimately, my life.
Did I know that then? No, I didn’t. But I do now.
I was also subconsciously telling myself that I was not worthy of support, love, and understanding. I remember hyper-focusing on every decision I made because I was scared to let someone down or I wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations, and I was trying to figure out how to do that. I only existed to take care of others, as I told myself. But guess what? No one told me these things. No one told me, Krystal, I need you to take care of me. Or I rely on you to always be there for me. No one put that burden on me, but it was what my mind did for protection. I would constantly tell myself that no one would ever understand me, even though there were times that I was sharing my situations or sharing my traumas, or what happened to me. And I would be told, “It’ll be okay or get over it or, you know, the let’s pray.” And even though that’s a good thing,
Sometimes, we can’t receive it because we’re in pain, shame, judgment, guilt, sadness, depression, overwhelmed and confused. So, it’s easier to climb inside ourselves and hide the suffering that we’re really feeling. Then we get used to suffering in silence, living with a mask on, and it sucks. It hurts, and we know we don’t want to live there, but what should we do? We don’t have any guidance. So we stay stuck in pain, sometimes lashing out from fear, anxiousness, and loneliness while not really loving who we are.
So, have you ever told yourself that you deserve everything happening to you because you are not worthy of love?
How about you have not always made the best decisions, and your past actions have hurt people, and now girlfriend karma has shown up in your life, or you have never really felt like you genuinely belonged in your family, friend groups, or life in general? You have always felt like an outsider. One may even say, “I am the black sheep in my family and life.”
Yeah, I know, I’ve been there.
You then look back at your life and say, “I have had people support me, but sometimes I felt like I had no support whatsoever. What’s wrong with me? Am I unappreciative? Am I horrible? Why? Why am I having negative thoughts when I can uplift everyone else? Am I the problem?”
No, you are not a problem. Your thoughts, beliefs, fears, anxiousness, depression, sadness, loneliness, low confidence, and sense of unworthiness have taken over. Your mind is wired for negativity and pain, and your alert system stays hyperdrive. That’s what’s going on.
So, let’s tell your sympathetic nervous system to calm down. Stop ringing the alarm.
We can do that, you know, and we can do it together. As a matter of fact, we will do it together because you are worthy of love, respect, and grace. It is time for you to take action by saying, “Yes, I am worthy.” Embrace worthiness. Accept worthiness and believe you are worthy once and for all.
As you know, I am Krystal Jae, The Empowerment Goddess. Your Who Am I Expert and Somatic Trauma-Informed Life Coach empowers individuals like you to know who they are and that they are worthy of success, love, and healthy and authentic relationships. I help them find self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, amongst other things. I want you to know that you have the power within you to transform your own life the way that you envision it.
*You will wake up with peace, joy, and love.
*You will know your purpose.
*You will leave your house and enjoy life.
*You will have real friendships.
*You will have a partner who loves you as much as you love them.
*You will feel connected with your family and break the toxic cycles.
*You will be proud of who you are by knowing who you are, your abilities, and your confidence while giving yourself grace.
*You will have the coping skills and mechanisms that you need to control the moments of anxiousness, fear, and pain that take over your life.
*You will have clarity in the strength, knowledge, and wisdom to live your life without fear, taking over it over and over again.
This step towards your empowered healing journey is a change, a transformation that will last a lifetime because I, Krystal Jae, will equip you with the tools necessary to take action and be in control.
So say yes to me being your guide, mentor, and Who Am I Expert. Go to krystaljae.com/book-online to schedule your one-on-one coaching session.
If you are ready to be all in, you’re like,
“I’m tired of the BS. I’m tired of the loneliness. I’m tired of living with anxiousness. I’m tired of living in this sadness. I’m tired of being confused. I’m tired of being manipulated. I’m tired of not having good relationships and going through these toxic cycles. I am tired, and I don’t have anything else left. I wish I had someone, but no one understands this, and I don’t know what else to do.”
Then, it’s time for you to say yes to the six-month all-in transformational Who Am I Program.
*Become your best self.
*Know who you are.
*Have success in your relationships, career, and personal life without the limitations of the trauma you have been through.
It’s constantly taking over your life, and you no longer have to live that way. So you’re saying yes to you. You’re going from unwantedness to being unstoppable.
Worthy, what does worthy mean to you?
To me, it means being valuable and enough. Is that fair to say?
The dictionary version states “is having worth or value, honorable.”
Some synonyms include admirable, decent, deserving, desirable, and excellent. Would you use any of those words to describe yourself?
I bet that there is someone. There may even be several people in your life who will and do use those words to describe you. They may say it to you or not, but they say it to others and themselves about you.
I know you don’t believe it, but we will work on that, okay?
Even though they may say to you, “My gosh, you are so awesome.” For a moment, you may say, “Dang, I am awesome. That really feels good; thank you for saying that," but immediately after that. You’re like, “Nah, no, I’m not.” Because that quick, your self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness crept into your mind, telling you, "Yeah, right, you’re not deserving, you’re not desired. They are just saying that because I’m right here, but they don’t love me. They don’t really feel that way, but I wish they did." Do you have that conversation with yourself?
Because I have.
Could you do me a favor real quick? I would like you to hit the share button and send this blog to someone you believe is worthy, admirable, decent, deserving, desirable, and excellent. That person may not think they are; you are showing them they are important, desired, loveable, worthy, etc.
If you know someone who is hard on themselves, I want you to send this blog to them now. Go ahead, do it.
All right, so get ready to write. Are you ready? I hope you are. Do you have your pen and paper or the notes section on your phone?
Please write down 10 words that describe who you are. I want you to leave out the words and synonyms and all that other stuff that goes with mom, dad, parent, sister, sibling, brother, best friend, partner, and wife. Please leave all of those out.
Please use words like worthy, decent, loving, God-fearing, supportive, understanding. However, you might see yourself. And you may even be saying, “Krystal, that’s a little too positive. I don’t know what you want, but I ain’t there yet.” That’s fine. Please use the words that you describe yourself with right now.
When I was at this point, I would use words like lonely, confused, loved, (well, kinda), misunderstood, sad and content, caring, caretaker, and lover. Those are examples of the list that I would create when I was in that space. So write your 10 words down, okay?
I want you to just be honest with yourself. You are using this activity to become your best self.
Then, after you finish those 10 words, I want you to write another list, and I want you to have 10 words, at least 10 words, to describe who you want to be or how you would like to be described. If you don’t know, I want you to think of someone you admire and find worthy. What words would you use to describe them? Take a moment and reflect.
Do you silently wish that people would describe you using those exact words?
Once completed, I want you to write why you use the first set of words—followed by the why.
Lastly, write down what you think needs to happen in your life for you to become the second set of words.
Okay? And I know you may be saying Krystal. “If I knew how to become those words, I would already be doing that, and I wouldn’t be listening to this.”
I understand that, but sometimes we know the actions that we need to take, or we have an idea of the actions we need to take, but we’re just not sure if we can or if we should take them because we’re letting fear, anxiousness, pain, judgment, all of that take over. Okay? So, I want you to trust the process. And if trust is too hard of a word right now, which is fine, then I want to say it to yourself. I want you to take the action steps. You see, you can sit in your belief of unworthiness for a lifetime while continuing to live life unsatisfied with just a brief moment of happiness to return to the deep darkness that you were residing in.
Or you can wake up every morning putting on the mask, acting like everything is fine, telling everyone that you’re okay or I’m good when that is not true.
Or, and this is the one that I hope you choose, you can wake up with peace, knowing happiness, joy, having clarity, and experiencing growth, elevation, moving forward towards your best life.
Only you can transform from unworthiness to knowing that you are worthy. I can guide you, but ultimately, it’s up to you to embrace it. Now, do you want to go deeper into finding your worth?
Reserve your one-on-one coaching session at www.krystaljae.com to book online. If you’re ready for a complete transformation with focus, then join the Who Am I six-month program, where you will receive:
Empowerment and guidance on your empowered transformational healing journey. Receive coping skills, coping mechanisms, and tools that last a lifetime because no one can take away what you will learn in this program.
*Break free from the limitations that trauma left in your life, like the fears, the anxiousness, the self-doubt, and that sense of unworthiness.
*Build confidence, self-love, clarity, and understanding.
*Feel and embrace self-respect.
*Add healthy boundaries and healthy communication.
*Develop your healthy support system to enhance your life for the better.
*Stop suffering in silence because you’re going from feeling unwanted to being unstoppable.
Instead of wishing that you had someone to go to or someone to be a guide or a mentor, go to www.krystaljae.com/book-online and accept me as your guide, your Somatic Trauma-Informed Life Coach, your Who Am I Expert, because I’m looking forward to you seeing yourself on the other side. I love that the most because I love showing my clients videos, the work they completed when we first started, and their progress. My gosh, it’s amazing.
I’m looking forward to you seeing yours. So leave the storm because you don’t have to live in it.
You don’t have to live in that toxic cycle, that storm of pain.
Stop living your life in the eye of the tornado. When you live your life in the eye of the tornado, you are just experiencing brief moments of happiness, knowing that the back half of the storm will come and tear your life apart again and again and again.
It’s time for you to land on solid ground, to have pretty skies.
It’s time for you to know your purpose, get that promotion, start the nonprofit, and have healthy and successful relationships.
Find a life partner ready to love you as much as you love them.
Find a healthy partnership without the toxicity and drama.
A partnership where you both can communicate, elevate, and succeed.
Look forward to the activities in your day.
Go on vacation.
One of my favorite things is smiling a real smile. Because there’s a difference; that fake one may be good, but smiling a real smile, man, is everything. You’ll be able to see that in yourself, and the people around you will see that as well.
So remember, you do not have to be alone, and you don’t have to do this alone. There is genuine help available. You must take the first step in signing up for the one-on-one session or the All In 6- 6-month Who Am I Program. Once you are in, I got you. You will have me to take the next steps with you. Guiding you on your empowered transformational healing journey.
Say yes to your best life, purpose, and clarity by taking action now. Reserve the best option for you. Join the Who Am I Program. Don’t be stuck in the same rotation six months from now.
If you want to test drive the coaching sessions, book a 1-on-1 individual session at krystaljae.com/book-online.
Take action today.
As always, I want you to remember that you have a power inside you that is greater than any obstacle. It would help if you had the knowledge and wisdom to activate it. So let’s do it.
Listen to this Episode 37 on the Overcome Suffering in Silence with Krystal Jae Podcast. www.krystaljae.com/podcast
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